Honesty (episode 1)

Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts. - Psalm 51:6, NKJV

Lord, I have felt the gentle reprimand when I am caught in gossip, and when I am railing and ranting a negative diatribe inside my head. Such is the condition of my heart. I feel the calming breath after an outburst of impatience with my 4 year old chatterbox.

Thank you for not giving up on me... I deserve to have been abandoned long ago. I have hardly been faithful. I have not invested the time or effort in this relationship. I totally have taken You for granted. Please forgive me.

Forgive me for turning to food, the internet, and whatever else took your rightful place in the throne of my heart.

Thank you for the gentleness that leads to repentance, and doesn't condemn.  Thank you for helping me to make the small choices that lead to a new way of doing things. Help me continue.

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.  (James 1:22)

Help me to live 1 Corinthians 13.  Love does not, love is....     And hand in hand with that are the fruits of the Spirit.   I have been wondering where my self-control concerning food went?  I just answered my question.  Self-control is a FRUIT of the Holy Spirit.  When I don't call, text, write, or hang with the Holy Spirit, um... those FRUITS are... um... out of season.

I want it back.  I can feel that I am on my way back.  The overwhelming gratitude, every day, has returned.  The spontaneous praising God for everything that happens, and giving credit where credit is due is happening.  The hunger for the WORD is happening.  Now I am just craving consistency in my time in the Word.  It's a lot different with two kids -- one being an infant without a routine schedule.  I will be ready to get up at 4:30, but the baby will be up three times that night, and the last time is an hour at 3AM.   The zombie that is this tired Mommy opts for a little more sleep to make up for it.

Right now, both of the boys are asleep upstairs, and I am having time to complete a thought and meditate on things for the first time all evening. (That and my massive headache finally went away.)  I  love to start my day with the Word, but it may not be possible.  Maybe I just need to listen to a sermon, or worship music on my way to school in the mornings.  Maybe when I get downstairs, I put some worship music on.  Hmmm.  These are definitely options.

Lord, I am so completely overwhelmed at the involvement that you have in our lives.  The fact that you want MORE is just mind boggling.  Our humanity will never be able to understand how you are capable of literally being ALL things to ALL people.  But, you are the Alpha AND Omega.  I praise you for creation.  For the beautiful trees that grow tall and strong, and pierce the winter sky.  I praise you for the sunrises, sunsets and every single snowflake.  I praise you for the crisp, clean air, a perfectly balanced mixture of nitrogen, carbon dioxide, oxygen, et al.  I praise you that with every single scientific detail that is discovered about this world, it points right to you, and your infinite majesty, and power, and love.


"Filled with wonder,
awestruck wonder,
at the mention of your name.
Jesus your name is power,
breath and living water,
such a marvelous mystery....

Holy, holy, holy
is the Lord God Almighty,
who was and is and is to come,
With all creation I sing,
praise to the king of kings -
you are my everything, and I will adore you!"



(revelation song)