Yesterday: The Confession Edition

Wow.
Yesterday was such an eye opener.

In 2008 I studied and was transformed through a Bible study called "The Lord's Table." It is available, completely free, online at Setting Captives Free. It changed my life. I grew in my faith, and shrunk out of my clothes. I was truly, and honestly, the happiest that I had ever been before.

I became a mentor to other women taking the course. I loved it. I was learning from God, being used by God, and was on fire for God.

And then....
My body played tricks on me. I was convinced that I was pregnant for months. I finally accepted the truth (after blood work and all sorts of negative tests), but the damage had already been done. I had let my mind believe that if I didn't eat I would get sick, or light headed, or weak, and I lost control and lost hold of the foundational truths that had changed my life a short time before.

By the time that I actually became pregnant again (with an ectopic pregnancy) I had gained most of the nearly 50 pounds that I had lost back.

----
Fast forward to yesterday.

I ate, and I ate, and I ate.

The only time that I was actually hungry that day was for breakfast, at 6:00 AM. The rest of the time I just kept stuffing myself full.

Why?

I KNOW that food does not satisfy. If hunger is NOT the problem, then using food is SIN. It becomes an IDOL.

I KNOW THIS.

:(
Yet I failed, repeatedly.

I have repented before my Father in Heaven, and I am relying on the Holy Spirit to help me resist the temptation.

There is so much more to say.... but my heart has to process it all first.