About Me

My name is Meredith, and I am the mother of two awesome boys; the wife of a fantastic husband; the band director for 100 students in grades 5 - 12 in a small community in Maine; and a follower of Christ. This blog is a place for me to reflect on what the Lord is teaching me.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Why Every Believer Should Read the Old Testament

I am reading the Bible in 90 Days with my Mom and Dad.  This is just so special to me, because for years they have thought I was a little bit strange with my assertions that I "felt God was leading" us in certain directions.

The first week took us through Genesis and Exodus.  I was overwhelmed with the sense of gratitude that I can approach my heavenly Father whenever and however I want.  In the old testament, a high Priest, wearing special clothing and accessories, after having been ceremonially cleaned, was the only one who could intercede on behalf of the people.  When I am battling my flesh, and I need to confess, my Savior is only a breath away.    I have access to unspeakable intimacy with the Creator of the Universe.  How is it, then, that I am NOT LIVING MY LIFE with more reverence, and awe?

That key question was the prevailing thought that has been in my mind since beginning this journey through the entire Word of God.

 I am hoping to retain a sense of majesty, wonder and awe, that the same God who is Holy and Awesome and Created the Earth and all that is in it, is the same one that orders my steps, and sustains me every day.  I am so flawed... I am so humbled.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Jeremy Camp, "Lay Down My Pride"

Every single word I say
You know it before I speak
You know every thought
The deepest part of me

You draw me closer than I see
Your presence is every thing I need to be
The child that you've created me to be
I'm ready now to see it your way

I lay down my pride
My desires my demise
I'm ready now to see it your way
I'm done I'm thru ignoring you now it's true
I'm kneeling at the cross of your grace
Lay down my pride

I was faced with passing time
But I knew the choice was mine
To finally come to you
And give you all control
I've wandered miles to find my way
And then you revealed this simple faith
I know that you can see the secrets of my soul

The cross the blood you shed for me
Your back was ripped and bruised
So I can know your love

I kneel, I bow to you, my King.

-Jeremy Camp

This song says it all. 
I am fighting a battle, and I am tired of losing because I am not fighting with the power of the Holy Spirit.  I am tired of making my life a mockery of everything that Jesus has done for me.

Let me life make His sacrifice count.  No more do I want my life to say Jesus PLUS this cookie.  Jesus PLUS this gadget.  Jesus is THE ONLY SOURCE of my fulfillment.  


I am broken before you.
I am tired of living a powerless life.
I am tired of knowing what I could be having in Your presence, but then giving in to my flesh at nearly every turn.

Help me to SEE with discernment the battle lines that are drawn behind EVERY choice I make.  Help me to be more aware of the spiritual implications of every decision set before me.

Help me.
I want to choose YOU.
All the time.
Every time.

Help me.

I choose You.

I choose you.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Thirsty Thursday (borrowed from H Love)

April at Mommy's Fit for the King posted a lovely devotional today in answer to a challenge of her pastor to take the love verses and commands seriously.  It was a great and inspiring post!

H Love is starting up a "Thirsty Thursday" series to focus on matters of the heart.  It is going to start next week and I am SO excited!

I would love to include links to other devotional blog posts, so let me know if you have one -- or, since I don't think anyone is reading this, yet ( !), I will just post it if I do!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Honesty (episode 1)

Behold, You desire truth in the inward parts. - Psalm 51:6, NKJV

Lord, I have felt the gentle reprimand when I am caught in gossip, and when I am railing and ranting a negative diatribe inside my head. Such is the condition of my heart. I feel the calming breath after an outburst of impatience with my 4 year old chatterbox.

Thank you for not giving up on me... I deserve to have been abandoned long ago. I have hardly been faithful. I have not invested the time or effort in this relationship. I totally have taken You for granted. Please forgive me.

Forgive me for turning to food, the internet, and whatever else took your rightful place in the throne of my heart.

Thank you for the gentleness that leads to repentance, and doesn't condemn.  Thank you for helping me to make the small choices that lead to a new way of doing things. Help me continue.

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.  (James 1:22)

Help me to live 1 Corinthians 13.  Love does not, love is....     And hand in hand with that are the fruits of the Spirit.   I have been wondering where my self-control concerning food went?  I just answered my question.  Self-control is a FRUIT of the Holy Spirit.  When I don't call, text, write, or hang with the Holy Spirit, um... those FRUITS are... um... out of season.

I want it back.  I can feel that I am on my way back.  The overwhelming gratitude, every day, has returned.  The spontaneous praising God for everything that happens, and giving credit where credit is due is happening.  The hunger for the WORD is happening.  Now I am just craving consistency in my time in the Word.  It's a lot different with two kids -- one being an infant without a routine schedule.  I will be ready to get up at 4:30, but the baby will be up three times that night, and the last time is an hour at 3AM.   The zombie that is this tired Mommy opts for a little more sleep to make up for it.

Right now, both of the boys are asleep upstairs, and I am having time to complete a thought and meditate on things for the first time all evening. (That and my massive headache finally went away.)  I  love to start my day with the Word, but it may not be possible.  Maybe I just need to listen to a sermon, or worship music on my way to school in the mornings.  Maybe when I get downstairs, I put some worship music on.  Hmmm.  These are definitely options.

Lord, I am so completely overwhelmed at the involvement that you have in our lives.  The fact that you want MORE is just mind boggling.  Our humanity will never be able to understand how you are capable of literally being ALL things to ALL people.  But, you are the Alpha AND Omega.  I praise you for creation.  For the beautiful trees that grow tall and strong, and pierce the winter sky.  I praise you for the sunrises, sunsets and every single snowflake.  I praise you for the crisp, clean air, a perfectly balanced mixture of nitrogen, carbon dioxide, oxygen, et al.  I praise you that with every single scientific detail that is discovered about this world, it points right to you, and your infinite majesty, and power, and love.

"Filled with wonder,
awestruck wonder,
at the mention of your name.
Jesus your name is power,
breath and living water,
such a marvelous mystery....

Holy, holy, holy
is the Lord God Almighty,
who was and is and is to come,
With all creation I sing,
praise to the king of kings -
you are my everything, and I will adore you!"

(revelation song)

Yesterday: The Confession Edition

Yesterday was such an eye opener.

In 2008 I studied and was transformed through a Bible study called "The Lord's Table." It is available, completely free, online at Setting Captives Free. It changed my life. I grew in my faith, and shrunk out of my clothes. I was truly, and honestly, the happiest that I had ever been before.

I became a mentor to other women taking the course. I loved it. I was learning from God, being used by God, and was on fire for God.

And then....
My body played tricks on me. I was convinced that I was pregnant for months. I finally accepted the truth (after blood work and all sorts of negative tests), but the damage had already been done. I had let my mind believe that if I didn't eat I would get sick, or light headed, or weak, and I lost control and lost hold of the foundational truths that had changed my life a short time before.

By the time that I actually became pregnant again (with an ectopic pregnancy) I had gained most of the nearly 50 pounds that I had lost back.

Fast forward to yesterday.

I ate, and I ate, and I ate.

The only time that I was actually hungry that day was for breakfast, at 6:00 AM. The rest of the time I just kept stuffing myself full.


I KNOW that food does not satisfy. If hunger is NOT the problem, then using food is SIN. It becomes an IDOL.


Yet I failed, repeatedly.

I have repented before my Father in Heaven, and I am relying on the Holy Spirit to help me resist the temptation.

There is so much more to say.... but my heart has to process it all first.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Morning Reflections 1/17/11

I am currently laboring through "Seeking Him," a collaborative work by Nancy Leigh Demoss and Tim Grissom. I say laboring because there are some Bible studies that I devour. (Esther, by Beth Moore... a 10 week study that I did in three, with the bulk of it completed in the one week of school vacation.) This has been a bit more difficult because of.... my pride. I hate the fact that I had let myself get so independent, and not relying on God for nearly anything.

I am so happy to say that since the new year, and the weeks prior, that has changed in my life, and I am again giving gratitude and praise and honor to my Heavenly Father. What is also so incredibly exciting is that by modeling those attitudes, my 4 year old son is praying and seeing those prayers answered. He is seeking the Lord for himself! Wow.

In the past of the lesson that I completed today, the following scriptures were listed.

Luke 12:2
Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.

Hebrews 4:13
And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

Then this question was asked:

In light of everything you have ever done, said, or thought, how do these verses make you feel?

My first reaction is shame, and embarrassment. So not only has he forgiven me for the horrible things that I have thought and said and done before I knew Him, he continually forgives me for the things I still do when I am not letting the Spirit guide my life, my actions and my thoughts.

So even though I haven't grumbled out loud about my husband this week (oh... um, except for that one day) I am still accountable for the thoughts, and for the state of my heart.

But then I think about the fact that not only is nothing that has already been done hidden from Him, nothing that WILL happen is unknown to Him.

He knew full well the day that He called me to Himself that I was going to be a hot mess from time to time. He created the artistic (and sensitive) temperament in me, and knew that I was going to fall flat on my face. Repeatedly.

How amazing is the love that continues to guide me, to hold me, to mold me and teach me. I am so overwhelmed that the God of the Universe would send his ONLY SON (and having two adorable boys of my own, this is HUGELY relevant for me) to come to Earth, and eventually bear MY SHAME and SINS on Himself, and die for me. And a violent, R rated death, not a gentle passing in ones sleep. We had communion yesterday at church, and I was in tears because I was so overwhelmed at the blessings of my life.

It is too incredible. I cannot intellectualize the fact that He is so intimately involved with all of humanity. But I know that it is true.

Help me, Lord, to continue to earnestly seek you. Create a hunger for your word. Create a hunger for your presence. Please, help me to die to myself, so that your love can be the only thing that is given to this world.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Thoughts on Message 1/16/11

1 Timothy 2: 1-15

Today's message really resonated with me, and I am just making all sorts of connections and realizations.

This very topic (verses 8 - 15 -- specifically why women shouldn't be pastors, or in authority over men) was something that God spoke to my heart about in a very real, personal way. It was the second time that I ever remember Him speaking to my heart in a tangible way. (The first was the day that my husband and I met, and I knew that He was telling me that I had just met my husband.) This issue was particularly distressing to me because I had grown up in an Episcopal church with a female minister, whom I loved dearly. And because I think that even at that time I was beginning to feel the calling to teach the Word, perhaps my heart being prepared for our current call, and the growing of a women's ministry someday. (Wow... that was a tangent.) It really concerned me that the Word WAS in fact saying that women were inferior. He definitely put my mind to rest about that issue, and I will never forget the feeling of fellowship with my Father that I had that night. I remember asking question after question, and feeling the answers in my heart. I truly was communicating with my Father in Heaven, and I was humbled to tears. What I was left with was the understanding that in order for the TRUTH to be received in the hearts of men, nothing can hinder the message. Whether it is intentional, deliberate, or even something that is happening in the subconscious, men receive things differently from men than they do from women. Any wife can attest to this!


I LOVED the perspective that my pastor shared about the RANK, and ROLE that men and women are assigned in the Kingdom of God. And that by the men being in charge, being the head of the physical church/home, that he/they are accountable.

I pondered that for a while, and then I had a thought.

When women take over, it gives the men the excuse not to show up, and certainly not to step up.

Thinking about the home example...
When the woman takes charge of the whole families spiritual health, in an authoritative way, it basically tells the man not to even bother. He may already feel inadequate to the responsibilities that the Lord has entrusted to him. So not only will he not step up to his rightful role as the head of the home, he might even step OUT of fellowship, or the church. Yikes! And the other thought that I had was this.... God KNOWS (because He is smart like that) about that sense of responsibility that he equipped most men with. Accountability and things like that are very strong motivators for men. By placing the MEN in that role, He is ensuring that they are focusing on THEIR OWN walk, as well as their families'.

And then there was the whole "praying for our leaders" thing.... that really got me thinking. I even started a list.

Good stuff today.

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